There’s many ways of telling a bit about a person: based on how they dress, what they eat, the people they spend their time with, etc. I have come to realize that for me, the way I have carried my hair throughout the years did speak to the emotional and mental space I was in at various stages in my life. My hair journey has been quite an interesting one, but the most interesting and fulfilling one has been my natural hair journey. I never saw myself going the natural hair route because from a very young age, I was one of many young black girls who believed the stereotype that straight hair was beautiful, and if it wasn’t straight it was just messy and looked bad. Before I really get into this though, I would just like to make it clear that ALL hair type is beautiful: straight, kinky, curly, short long, different shades…it is ALL BEAUTIFUL.
From a very young age I struggled with my hair identity. I struggled so much with it that I became insecure about it and spent most time just keeping it hidden with braiding styles and eventually weaves when I was ready for those. When I talk to people about my hair journey, I always mention how lucky I consider myself to be where I am with her because…I neglected her for the longest time shame.
My natural hair journey begins with my very good friend Esther, many years ago, finally convincing me that natural is possible and I can do it. It didn’t take much to convince me because she had and still has the most amazing natural hair. When I looked at her hair it defied all the misconceptions and stereotypes that I grew up believing about natural hair. Any time I had bad hair days, I’d vent to her about it and once again, she would remind me that I can do it. I hope we all have cheerleaders in our corners that constantly remind us of how very much capable we are of achieving anything we set our minds to. Thank you Esther.
For the sake of not discouraging you if you are thinking of going natural, I won’t mention exact numbers when I say that I took the natural hair leap MANY years ago. My actual routine and the things I did to get to where I am now, I will leave for another post. It’s been a long and rewarding journey. But in this post, I want to talk about the most rewarding part of my journey: how it has impacted my life, my character and my spirit.
- Patience
I have always considered myself to be a patient person. But let me tell you, nothing tests your patience like natural hair…apart from raising 2 boy toddlers! I learnt a whole new level of patience on my hair journey. With natural hair it can sometimes take time to see results. You try out new routines, new products and just tips that other people have and expect to see results soon after because it has worked for them. But that’s not the case. There’s a lot of things that affect the growth rate of your hair. Hair texture, diet, products, method, etc. I think that life, in it’s own way is very similar. Because of the times that we live in it is very easy to compare our progress with that of others.
It is important to understand though, that although we are all aiming for progress, how we get it and when we get it will differ from person to person, based on how much effort we put in, the resources we have at our disposal and how badly we want it really. But above it all, practicing patience while you find your way towards what you’re looking to achieve, gives you the perseverance and encouragement you need to keep going, knowing that eventually you will reap the fruits…and it will be beautiful fruits. On your road to success, the most defining moment will be what you do during the wait. My hair journey has been a constant reminder of this.
- Unconditional love
On your natural hair journey there won’t always be pretty moments. I’ve lost track of the number of times I just wanted to cut it all off because it just wasn’t doing what I needed it to do. But I quickly learnt that even on the days that it didn’t look how I wanted or do what I wanted, when I looked at it as the most beautiful thing ever, I started having less moments of frustration. This is when I accepted my hair for what it is – kinky and hard to manipulate, but still very beautiful. In life, there are many times when we find ourselves in unpleasant situations, but how we look at those situations determines how we rise from them.
My Mamas out there will know this all too well. No matter what your kid does, no matter how many times they make you want to pull out your hair, or just dig a hole and bury yourself…they will still be your little angel, and the most beautiful little human ever. Unconditional love. Just like my hair, I learnt to love it the way it looked. I won’t lie, some days I am like “No Mila, nope nope nope” and just keep it covered. But on such days, I’ve learnt to quickly snap out of it, think about the good days I’ve had and get back to loving it. Ultimately this encourages me to keep going and keep doing what I need to do. Learn to love life unconditionally, so that on the days when it gets too much, remembering the good time you’ve had and how blessed you are will give you just the push and encouragement you need to get through it.
- There is beauty in just being you
This ties in closely to the previous point. We are not perfect, no one on this planet is. Even when we try to come as close to perfection as we can possibly get, there will always be something that we might not be too happy about. I’ve learnt that when you start to love yourself for you, then you start to find beauty in the imperfections. If you know me well, then you know that for the longest time I’ve always thought I have a big forehead and was not always so comfortable with it. Hence all my wigs would always have some sort of fringe. But now with the way my natural hair journey has been going, I look past it. Heck, as hard as it is to ignore my forehead sometimes, I don’t think about it as much as I would because all my attention is focused on the beautiful crown I’m carrying and how to care for it.
Just like mothers who have found comfort in some of the body changes that take place after child birth, because all their focus is on the fact that for 9 months their body nurtured their baby and gave birth to this amazing little human being, and then you just get distracted by that beauty. My natural hair is unique to me: the way it curls, the way it shrinks, the way it straightens, the way it looks when it’s dry, moisturized wet and so on…all that makes it unique to me, and that alone makes it beautiful. There are things that I am not good at and there are areas of my life that shine brighter than others, that is unique to me. And when I sit and think that I am the only person in the entire planet who is me…wow, I see so much beauty in that.
These are some of the things that have resonated with me throughout my hair journey. Remember, that because we are uniquely different and beautiful in our own way, what we learn from the journey will differ from person to person. But one thing I can guarantee you, is that when you choose to look at your hair as something beautiful and unique, and treat it according to that beauty, no matter what hair type you have and how you choose to carry it, it will do something to your confidence, to your spirit and just the way you carry yourself in life. That’s how powerful your crown is.
Love, Mila.